Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize