so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
