I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize