Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
