My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Fuck me I smell like cheese
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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