his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
