she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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