my soul wont recognize me after tonight
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
