Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
