I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
