her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
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I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
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Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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