They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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