Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
