would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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