R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
