is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
