I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
God I need to hump something, right now.
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