Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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