good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
