the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
