So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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