I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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