You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
