if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
