i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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