he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
