he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
