Fuck appropriateness.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
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I booty called her while she was in labor.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
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My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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