where am i from again
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
