i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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