How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
