So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm always down for nudity.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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