I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
