I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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