Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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