I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
