and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
