I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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