How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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