Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
