so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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