The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
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He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize