Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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