You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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