I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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