Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
