Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
