Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
