Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
