my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
