apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
