If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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