You don't have asthma, your pregnant
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
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I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
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I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize