just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
