I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
