Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
