You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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