why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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