Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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