i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
