just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
