I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
