I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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